A Moffle Christmas Story 2021

Here is our new Christmas Story for 2021. The rhyming verse was inspired by Clement Clarke Moore’s, ‘The Night Before Christmas’, but this is a tale that acknowledges there can be anxiety & sadness for some children at Christmas, as well as joy. This story is dedicated to all the little Moffles who have mixed up feelings at Christmas & to the grown ups who love them.

Here is what Louise Michelle Bomber had to say about the story:

‘As an adoptive mum I know first hand how Christmas can be experienced ….a nervous, fearful anticipation of whether my little ones will be overlooked, forgotten or whether they too will experience the ‘magic’ that they have heard of. This beautiful offering gently holds those worries close. Mikenda again offers empathic insight into what some might not even notice ….thank-you’. 

Louise Michelle Bomber, Founding Director of TouchBase

Connection

Children do best when they are in close, connected relationships with us. When we offer connection through our attuned presence & the communication of our empathy & our acceptance of them, children feel safe. When they feel safe, it frees them up to have the confidence to explore & to learn. They learn about themselves and others through the connected relationship.The way that they experience things when guided by an adult who they feel understands & appreciates them, determines how they learn to see themselves and the world.

Connection before correction really is essential. You cannot successfully have one without the other. Young minds are most receptive when we have first reached out to their hearts.

Anti Bullying Week

Let us model for our children through our words & actions what it is to live with acceptance, empathy & kindness, both for ourselves and for others around us. Remember that they learn to see themselves and the world around them in relationship with us & through our eyes. There is no room for bullying when our hearts & minds are filled with love.

Something Else

For Anti Bullying Week we are re-sharing the review of one of our favourite books!

In therapeutic parenting sessions, many adoptive parents and carers over the years have told me about how difficult it is for their child to make or keep friends. They speak of their sadness for their child never being invited for play dates or to birthday parties.

I often work with schools as part of the therapy plan, to help them think about how to support friendships for their looked after and adopted children. This regularly involves a lot of structuring of playtimes and lunchtimes and building up the circle of friends for the child slowly. Play skills can easily be taken for granted but are often so hard to grasp for children who have been traumatised. Putting in the work to help these children develop even one caring friendship can be life changing for them.

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Intersubjectivity

At the heart of all secure relationships is intersubjectivity. This concept is all about being open to each other – being open to influence.  I’m looking at you & I’m influencing you, & when you look back at me, you’re influencing me. Intersubjectivity has three main elements – matched affect (having the same energy & rhythm); shared attention & complementary intention.

Intersubjectivity is important in all relationships. For children, it’s critical in helping them become safely engaged & socially connected with their parents & care givers. The child is learning about themselves and their surroundings through the relationship.The way that they experience things when guided by their loving adult, determines how they learn to see themselves and the world.

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