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Making use of time-in, rather than time -out, is a useful part of a relational approach to parenting for all children, but especially those with relational trauma.

These children find it very hard to manage their emotions; understand cause & effect, or to take responsibility for their actions.  They very easily go to a place of shame. They can’t be expected to make use of time-out in a constructive way – they haven’t got the internal resources to do so.

Time-in is used to help a child feel connected with us.This in turn builds trust & security. When we connect before we correct, & co-regulate our child, we’re thinking about what is going on inside that led to the behaviour. Unless they’re supported to understand the reason for the behaviour, they’re going to do the same thing again & consequences won’t work.

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We must do so much better for our care experienced children. Here’s to all care experienced adults , their allies & supporters who are advocating for the love, true care & resources that our most vulnerable & precious children deserve.

When a child has been hurt early in life & experienced relational trauma, the impact on their heart, mind & body is huge. It permeates every aspect of their understanding of themselves & the world around them. Recovery takes time & patience. It requires persistent PACE-fulness from the adults who love them.

As a therapeutic parent, you walk alongside your child on their journey of healing & self-discovery. That willingness to be there, through the darkness & the difficult times, helping them to find new signs of safety & beauty in their lives, can be transformative. The journey together can also be hard, uncertain & painful. The process of change is rarely easy.

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Stories matter. Let’s co-create them with love & kindness.

Play therapy can help children explore & process their experiences, thoughts & feelings through their most natural medium of self-expression – play.

Theraplay is a dyadic child and family therapy that focuses on nurturing healthy child & caregiver relationships. It’s also being used in schools, often in ‘Sunshine Circles’, to support children with peer relationships.

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It is so often true that the child who needs the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways. Relational trauma leads to them careering chaotically through life, seeing themselves as unloveable & the world as an uncaring & dangerous place. Let’s not be drawn into this chaos. Let’s act as caring containers, promoting healing, & not as reinforcers of fear & isolation.

This quote, on Charles Dickens birthday, from ‘The Pickwick Papers’, speaks to the power of an attuned, caring relationship in relieving distress.

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Hang in there everyone – winter is nearly over & spring is just around the corner. A time of new beginnings & growth. The days are getting longer & there’s the promise of summer. The world turns, seasons change & we are reminded that nothing stays the same for ever.

In the coldest & hardest of times, may you find within you all the strength & love you need, to cultivate an invincible summer. An acceptance of whatever is. An open heart & confidence in the knowledge that light follows darkness & that you are enough.

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On National Hot Chocolate Day, here’s an invitation to think about PACE like a cup of hot chocolate!

In Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP), we talk about cultivating an attitude of PACE – playfulness, acceptance, curiosity & empathy. It’s a way of being & a way of communicating, rather than a technique for changing behaviour.

In safe, secure relationships, the healing from trauma occurs. An attitude of PACE, expressed in the way that we come together, learn about each other, & explore the meaning of our experiences, is so important to creating & deepening that relational security.

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Parent Mental Health Day is a good time for more candour & unashamed conversation about how hard it is to parent a child with relational trauma. How misunderstood such parents & carers can be, & how hard it often is still, to access timely & appropriate support.

All parents can struggle & family life is challenging, but there are added challenges if you are caring for a traumatised child. Re-parenting is not ordinary parenting. Therapeutic parenting is emotionally & physically demanding & require lots of self-awareness, patience, commitment & support. There will be many times when therapeutic parents feel that they’re not good enough & can’t do it, or don’t want to do it. 

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PACE yourself – you’re worth it!