Category: Uncategorized

This week is National Library Week in the United States of America. A perfect opportunity to say thank you to all the librarians & libraries inspiring & nurturing young minds through the power of books & storytelling. The only thing you absolutely need to know, is the location of the library.

Understandably, I’ve often heard from parents, carers & teachers that it can be hard to think of what to say, especially in the heat of the moment, that will put the ‘two handed’ relational approach to discipline (PACE-fulness on the one hand, alongside structure, boundaries & natural consequences on the other), into action.

Here’s a simple script that provides a structure for addressing challenging behaviour with a child, whilst still conveying that you care about them. There are a couple of examples given for each of the steps outlined.

Children’s learning & their social and emotional development is built on a foundation of bodily awareness and coordination. This comes from good care early in life, & a rich variety of movement and sensory experiences. Children with relational trauma & a history of neglect & abuse, have often missed out on these important, early sensory experiences.

Relational trauma & big gaps in body control, lead to a child’s brain staying on high alert, & their body primed for fight, flight, or freeze. This makes it hard for them to process their thoughts & feelings or to manage their behaviour.

It’s possible to go back and fill in the gaps, by encouraging certain activities & movement. Repeated patterns of movement are good for building new connections within the child’s brain & helping their body to learn that it is safe.

Remember any ‘challenging behaviour’ we see begins in the child’s brain stem, the reptilian brain. Until we learn to think of ourselves as ‘brain whisperers’ – arousal regulators rather than behaviour managers –   the child will not be able to learn, no matter how good the teacher is!

A child’s brain organises from the bottom up, & the higher brain region (the corticol brain, or thinking part of the brain) cannot work properly if a child has become over reliant on their lower brain regions – the limbic brain & brain stem.

Sending love on Mother’s Day & honouring all the thoughts & feelings, memories, joys & sadness that it might bring to each of us. Thanks to all the different kinds of mothers, & for loving your children in your own unique ways.  

Stories remind us that we are not alone. They create opportunities to explore, remember & forget, without fear. They give us hope to imagine different endings and better possible worlds.

  For children especially, the natural language for expressing feeling is through images & stories. It is so important to find ways to help our children articulate their stories & understand them.  We know that one of the indicators of good mental health is being able to hold a coherent narrative about your life – a joined up story that expresses the thoughts, feelings & motives of self & others in the story.

Alone we can do so little but together we can do so much. A big thank you to all the social workers out there, supporting families & helping to keep our most vulnerable children safe & cared for. As the Dalai Lama said, it is not enough to be compassionate – you must act. Here’s to all the social workers who advocate for the most marginalised & vulnerable people in our society, acting to make a difference in the lives of so many.

Shame is a big part of the experience for children with relational trauma. It gets in the way of their ability to learn from their mistakes.

A child learns whether their behaviour is acceptable from the reactions of their caregivers. When we have to discipline a toddler, we help them with feelings of shame by re-engaging with them quickly.  In this way they learn a healthy sense of guilt & can cope when we get cross with them. When they’ve behaved badly, they are motivated to repair the relationship. They develop a consistent sense of right and wrong and can separate their sense of self from what they do. They learn ‘I’m loved, even if they don’t like my behaviour’.

How do we learn to manage emotions & behaviour?

A tiny baby is dependent on having all their needs met by a parent or carer. When they’re hungry, tired, cold – they become very emotional. Then as the parent holds them close & meets their need, the baby experiences a sense of relief & calm.

 This cycle of emotional arousal/relaxation is constantly repeated & acts as a way of helping the child learn to manage their own arousal levels – or to self-regulate. They’re learning also that they’re loveable & others can be trusted.

On World Book Day, we’d like to thank everyone who has shown such lovely support for The Moffles. Thanks for all the feedback on how the stories, posts & resources have been enjoyed by children – & you! How they’ve touched the hearts & imaginations of care experienced children have been the most special stories of all.

Parents & carers have told us that the Moffles have helped renew their curiosity about their child’s inner life & given hope to carry on, even when parenting is very hard. Therapists have spoken of children expressing their thoughts & emotions more easily after reading Tippy Moffle’s Mirror. Tippy has been used by teachers in class discussions about fostering & adoption.